THINGS YET TO COME

(Surfin' Chili Skit 2007)

 

NARRATOR:

 

It is the eve before he is to appear before the Senate Budget Committee.  NASA administrator MICHAEL GRIFFIN is dismayed by the many uncertainties surrounding CEV.  To gain some reassurances which he can then pass on to the budget committee, GRIFFIN recruits JSC center director MIKE COATS, and together they brave the vast Gilruth Swamplands, seeking out the great SURFIN' CHILI KAHUNA.

 

GRIFFIN & COATS stumble past a few other chili teams.  Each team offers GRIFFIN & COATS a bowl of chili and, in each case, they scoff them.  Eventually, GRIFFIN & COATS stand before THE GREAT SURFIN' CHILI KAHUNA (i.e. the Surfin' Chili Dude, propped up on an altar).

 

GRIFFIN:

 

O Great and Wise Surfin' Chili Kahuna ... I beseech you!  What does the future have in store for America's Space Program?

 

SURFIN' CHILI KAHUNA (in a Yoda-like voice):

 

Great challenges will you face … many trials … much hardships.  Prepared are you to bare witness to these visions?

 

GRIFFIN:

 

Oui, oui!  I am not afraid!  I must know how CEV ultimately evolves!

 

SURFIN' CHILI KAHUNA:

 

Then behold ... !! 

 

A team of engineers enter.  They are arguing over a mass of equations and diagrams on a dry erase board.  One engineer pulls out a sling shot, and the team begins arguing on the how it's properly used.

 

Long and hard engineers and technicians will labor.  Develop a suitable rocket they will.

 

COATS:

 

But what happened to Ares?!?

 

SURFIN' CHILI KAHUNA:

 

Consumed by the Dark Side it will be … stolen by co-ops, posted on MySpace and FaceBook, and sold on e-Bay.

 

GRIFFIN & COATS gasp in horror.

 

Eventually, a suitable replacement is derived … DIET COKE AND MENTOS!

 

An engineer produces a 2-litre bottle of Diet Coke and roll of Mentos.  The other engineers cheer and congratulate him.  The team walks off stage as they continue to celebrate.  [If possible, set off a Diet Coke/Mentos rocket in a clear area away from the pavilion.]

 

 

COATS:

 

And who will fly the new vehicle?  O Great Kahuna, can you show us this?

 

SURFIN' CHILI KAHUNA:

 

Answer the call many will.  Rigorous trials each will face.  And in the end, the following will be chosen:  STEPHEN HAWKING,  WILLIAM SHATNER,  PAT MCGROIN

 

The CEV crew enter.  HAWKING is rolled in on a dolly.

 

GRIFFIN:

 

Wait … William Shatner?!?  How did he get onto the CEV??

 

WILLIAM SHATNER:

 

I found a great price through Priceline ... !

 

THE ENTIRE CAST

 

... DOT COM!  

 

WILLIAM SHATNER:

 

And I’m so excited to be working with the famous Dr. Stephen Hawking. 

 

(to HAWKING)  Doctor, your brain patterns will the basis for the new Science Payload Ops Computer.

 

SHATNER sticks the sign  “SPOC” on HAWKING.

 

STEPHEN HAWKING:

 

Mr. Shatner ... I am naming a space hammer after you, because you are a tool!

 

CEV crew walks off stage.

 

GRIFFIN:

 

It all sounds so daunting!  O Great Kahuna, will we ever launch the CEV??

 

SURFIN' CHILI KAHUNA:

 

Indeed, the day of launch will come!  But fraught with challenges it will be.  Severe weather will they face.

 

The CEV crew members are seated on chairs with bottles of Diet Coke strapped to the side.  As they start unwrapping their rolls of  Mentos, a person wearing the name “WAYNE” enters and starts pelting the crew with ice.

 

PAT MCGROIN:

 

Hey … it’s Wayne Hale!!

 

 

SURFIN' CHILI KAHUNA:

 

But a lesson from the past will they employ.  NASA JCS … protect the vehicle it will!

 

COATS:

 

NASA JCS … what’s that?

 

One stage hand with umbrella runs up and protect the CEV crew from the ice, while another stage hand walks across the stage with the sign “NASA JUMBO-SIZED COVERING SYSTEM”

 

Hey … that’s a great name.  We should name a chili cookoff after that!

 

The entire cast points to the "NASA JCS CHILI COOKOFF" signs hanging on the pavilion.

 

GRIFFIN (totally dismayed):

 

It's all too much!!  All those challenges!  All these set-backs!  IT'S ALL TOO MUCH!!  Is there any point in continuing on??

 

SURFIN' CHILI KAHUNA:

 

Yes!  Surfin’ Chili they will be serve for as long as Orion flies.  To the Moon, on to Mars, to infinity and beyond!

 

GRIFFIN(his face lights up and a huge smile comes to him)

 

Well!  That's plenty reason to keep moving forward!  Thank you, O Great Kahuna!!

 

(to COATS)  Hey, Mike … in honor of Surfin' Chili, let’s start referring to the CEV as the Surfin’ Chili Exploration Vehicle!

 

COATS

 

That’s a fantastic idea, Mike.  In fact, let’s go get some Surfin’ Chili right now, grab a beer, and toast to the Things Yet to Come!

 

T-E-A-M ... Team Drink!!

 

 

FINI


MAJOR CAST (speaking parts):

 

SUPPORTING CAST (non-speaking parts):

 

MATERIALS LIST